ok.. Fine, as much as I have a fear of horses I’m not able to just “throw in a horse bucket” I guess I’m back on my high horse (see what I did there?) about the mother-fucking DBT…again. See, here’s the thing… I suppose if you choose to go, much like, say fundamental structured church, and it works for you, awesome! But if you’re, shall we say, a traumatized rape victim who was forced to have sex with your step father, forced to stay with your abusive parents, forced to eat things that were repulsive, forced to keep your mouth shut out of fear…well, it’s just quite like another trauma. A big one. And it’s even more traumatic when the person who forced you to go takes absolutely no responsibility, or even acknowledges your pain and it’s just one big teenage debate. But, I guarantee you this…. I’m stronger…. Stronger because of what I’ve lived through. You will never break me. If it’s the last thing I ever do, I will scream it from the rooftops, and publish it in every bookstore! You will never force us to go to another retraumatizing class again because YOU are afraid. You take the class to deal with your fear! Do not project your fear onto me! I will never again be your subject, muse, prodigy, or “Rocky”. And you will never be my “coach” because my coach doesn’t walk out on me in “fear”.
So “radically accept” that! Which, that in itself is just a ridiculously made up term taken to the extreme by the marsha morons.
Radical: relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching, or thorough
Acceptance: the act of consenting to receive or undertake something offering
How can I radically accept something I feel morally wrong about? Am I to “accept” as a child “in that moment” being raped by my father as my mother is passed out drunk because I cannot change my situation in that moment. And later in my adulthood when I’m triggered and have flashbacks and am emotionally upset by the incestuous brutal torture of what happened to me, am I to just “accept” that this was my life and forgive and move on? Do I sell a part of myself and my own moral fortitude and bury the pain and unrest of my past in a bucket for the rest of my life, each day tearing away the grief and shame and self betrayal from my flesh when I was merely trying to find peace within my very soul for what was done to me?
If I find I’m unable to do this, is there anywhere I can go and not face the stigma of my own past, now compounded with the psychological torture of being forced to try to “radically accept” what was done to me, while left emerged in my own personal hell storm of traumatic emotions? No, because you couldn’t handle the truth that was me., or hold the “fear” that you promised to hold. And now you admit nothing.
I have to say, as a survivor of many years of childhood abandonment and abuse, this has been my own personal experience. And to the therapist who forced me to go to the classes, to accept and practice somenting without any explanation of what it would cost a traumatized abuse survivor: yes, you may have your “own experiences”, we all do, as you like to say (repeatedly) but what was done to me was grossly manipulative, and unless you have had MY experiences of being raped by your father, and abandoned by your mother, you can only fathom (not empathize!) what I experienced.