One of the first things I learned about G is that she was never afraid of anything. It seemed like she was fearless. I guess she felt like she had to be. When I first started hanging out with her she intimated the hell out of me. I told her this once and she laughed. That funny breathless laugh that only she had where she tossed her head back and you knew it was genuine. She wasn’t laughing at what I said. She was laughing because she couldn’t believe anyone would be intimidated by her. She was hell on heels and she had no idea. Once I got to know her, really know her, I realized it was because she really never felt like she was good enough. That under the exterior of fearlessness there lurked a hell of a lot of fear that she never allowed anyone to see. And I mean anyone. I remember one time we were at the hospital for 5 hours trying to get a scan done and she had bruises everywhere from being poked so many times by so many different nurses. I would’ve packed it in after about an hour, but she just joked around with every single nurse as they tried unsuccessfully to find a vein and used her for a pin cushion. She was always so pleasant even in the worst circumstances. And not just that, but damn, she was fun! Who could turn a five hour painful scan into “fun”? It could be a parody of errors. But she would do it. She would send funny texts, she’d make the nurses and technicians laugh. She was just fun. Always. That’s not to say she didn’t have her bad days. She did. But she knew how to hide it well. I miss her. All the time.
Today she’s been gone two weeks. It feels like two years, for some reason. Time goes in slow motion right now without you. I fucking miss you, G.
You said you would haunt me, if you could…I’m still waiting. I’m keeping up my end of our deal, so bring it.