G was very clear with me that no matter what happened to her, she wanted me to be there for her daughter. To be clear, her daughter and I have always been very close. She’s always been like a daughter to me so this discussion wasn’t even really a request on her part, in fact, I would have been offended had she not asked this of me. A is a wise, articulate, funny and smart young woman. She is caring, silly, cutting and compassionate…she is a force to be reckoned with and her debating skills are being honed as only a teenagers can be. And I am so proud of her.
As we cried together over the weekend I told her I was sad, and I couldn’t say it was okay, because it isn’t okay. We hugged and cried together and I am hopeful that she will at some point agree to grief counseling, but at this time she is not willing to go. As when her mama relapsed with cancer, she went to therapy twice then decided she did not want to talk to a “stranger” about her “problems”. As long as she continues to talk to me, I won’t push her.
She is a beautiful and kind young woman. Like the gene pool was kind to her with her curly ginger locks and her kind blue eyes. But her real beauty is in her strength and wisdom and intelligence, her compassion and passion, her endurance and resilience. She is so intelligent and wishes to be a pediatric oncologist. Of course this may change as she is only 15 years old. But at this point it is her focus and with focus, she can do anything. Channeling her pain into something positive is a good thing.
We had a good weekend together, and I’m happy I will be seeing her again Monday for a week. I want to honor G’s spirit by doing my very best.
I breathe and keep going. Even through loss. I breathe and keep going,